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Pan Post 100
In Pan Post 100, The Doctor initially appears as he is sick of material from the Doctor Who tv series being ripped off but the CensorGod refuses to mess with the Powerplayers and The Doctor leaves. Aryst Omnistellae is an unabashed copier of others' works and continues to the High Empire's Supreme Superweapons Division. There he meets High Director Pwnenstein who introduces the latest weapon, the Cosmic Cannon which can fire an entire universe to destroy several other universes. In the anti-powerplaying division, High Director Pwnenstein has been seeking means to counter anti-powerplaying techniques, such as frying pans and tea. In the virus department the High Director introduces Aryst to the curse known as the Salmitton Buttdeath Curse, the origins of which stem from the infamous Britt the Writer. Post Supreme Superweapons Division In the High Empire's capital city, the Stronghold of Powerplayers stands as the most glorious and imposing edifice. Yet as large as it is, it is even larger on the inside. The Doctor: I've HAD it with these rip-offs! Time to open a can of whoop-ass! The Doctor makes a phone call from the phone on the exterior of his TARDIS. Shortly a new entity arrives. CensorGod: Hey old buddy! What's up? The Doctor: Got some people who CONSTANTLY rip me off! Aryst Omnistellae: Get lost, troublemakers! CensorGod: ****e, I can't fight these powerplayer gods! Sorry, Doctor, you're on your own! He vanishes. The Doctor: I'm a Mary SueMary Sue article, Wikipedia. myself, so don't think you've seen the last of me! He shakes a threatening finger at Aryst, then goes inside the TARDIS, which whooshes away. Aryst Omnistellae: Eternius, you may continue your narration. Right. So, the Stronghold of Powerplayers is even larger on the inside. At this very moment, Aryst Omnistellae - one of the High Empire's Powerplayer Gods on the six-strong Pantheon of the High Throne, and sometimes known as Entity #6 - walks through a series of secure doors, that is in no way a rip-off of the opening credits of "Get SmartGet Smart article, Wikipedia.". Aryst Omnistellae: It's totally a rip-off. You don't have to soft-pedal it. CensorPeon can't hurt us. Right, but aren't you uber-original, having all the best ideas, and they're all your own? Aryst Omnistellae: That's Highemp. I commandeer all the best ideas from everywhere, regardless of source! Aryst Omnicogni, best of all the ideas! ...right. Anyways, beyond the last door is a glimmering portal - the entrance to a tesseractTesseract article, Wikipedia.. Aryst steps through and instantly is in an incredibly vast space that contains an entire universe. This is the Supreme Superweapons Division's testing ground. High Director Pwnenstein: Welcome, my divine lord. I hope your inspection finds us satisfactory. They are on a gigantic space station in the void. In the distance through the viewports can be seen huge explosions all over this miniature universe - evidence of weapons tests. Aryst Omnistellae: You're our glorious empire's greatest minds. We wouldn't have assigned you here if we thought your performance would be anything but stellar. High Director Pwnenstein: Thank you, my divine lord. I'm sure you'll be impressed. I, er, understand that you received a solution to the 'God-Killer Machine problem' from another source? Aryst Omnistellae: A VERY unconventional solution. While it may be effective, a rather more grandiose countermeasure would be preferable. I hope you've made progress. High Director Pwnenstein: We only have preliminary hypotheses, I'm afraid, but I can highlight some of other most promising projects if you like. Aryst Omnistellae: You may proceed. The High Director leads the deity down the tubular hallway, the surfaces made completely of an invulnerable transparent material, the better to see the testing grounds of space around them. High Director Pwnenstein: Here you can see our test firings of the Cosmic Cannon. A massive construct can be seen. It resembles a mass effect relayMass Relay article, Mass Effect Wiki.'' from the 'Mass EffectMass Effect article, Wikipedia.' video games, only much larger: the size of a planet. Its gyroscopic core glows white hot, and its prongs charge up, before a devastating blast of power is released.'' Aryst Omnistellae: It destroys universes? High Director Pwnenstein: Conceively multiple universes with a single shot. Its name comes from the fact that it shoots an entire universe as a projectile, wrapped in a tesseract shell. Aryst Omnistellae: Brilliant. Reloading it seems like it might be an issue. High Director Pwnenstein: We're also working on an efficient cosmic manufactory system using an array of quasar forges, so that we can eventually mass produce baby universes as ammunition. Aryst Omnistellae: A work in progress then. High Director Pwnenstein: Just so, my divine lord. If you'll look over here, you can see our studies into anti-powerplaying techniques. While of course anti-powerplaying techniques can't defeat the likes of you, my divine lord-- This said very piously. High Director Pwnenstein: --the lesser powerplayers under your command should be well served, if we can develop countermeasures against these techniques. Aryst Omnistellae: Is that... acid? He watches bubbling vats, with hot liquid being manipulated by magical kinesis. High Director Pwnenstein: Far worse. Tea. Aryst Omnistellae: Ah, yes. My b-- The bane of many a powerplayer. Certainly not myself. Not at all. High Director Pwnenstein: Our staff tasseomancers are seeking ever deeper understanding of the mystical substance in order to discover weaknesses to exploit. Aryst Omnistellae: How Chimaat can drink the stuff, I'll never know. High Director Pwnenstein: My most divine lord Chimaat is truly a shining example to use all, showing that you, our leaders and gods, fear nothing. Aryst Omnistellae: Uh, yeah. That. Are those frying pans over there? High Director Pwnenstein: Yes. As I'm sure you're aware, they're surprisingly effective against powerplayers when employed as blunt weapons. We're testing the efficacy of similar cookingware against powerplayers to see if we can discover a correlation, but thus far only frying pans have any effect. Aryst Omnistellae: Never had an encounter with one myself, but I've heard stories. He shudders. High Director Pwnenstein: Coffee and non-stick wax paper seem most efficacious against tea and frying pans, but we're still working on other solutions. Aryst Omnistellae: And hopefully more grandiose forms for said solutions... High Director Pwnenstein: Indeed! We'll extract them to crystalline matrices once we've essentialized them sufficiently. Now over here we're studying the deadliest virus in a million universes, within a sealed hot room. Aryst looks through a window into a chamber, with a steaming canister at the center of it. Scientists in hazmat suits are working around it. Aryst Omnistellae: What is it? High Director Pwnenstein: It's a spiritual and kismetic virus, not biological. The colloquial name for such a vector is 'curse'. This one is known as the 'Salmitton Butt Death Curse'. Aryst Omnistellae: I've never heard of it. High Director Pwnenstein: It's rare and not well known. There's only one known carrier in multiversal history. It's felled gods and fiends alike. We're hoping to develop both an antidote to it and control over it. At the moment it's nondiscriminatory, but will randomly slay any and all entities near the carrier. Aryst Omnistellae: Exotic. Seems like it has potential. What's its origin? High Director Pwnenstein: It was apparently created by some staggeringly powerful divine entity. We know nothing about him except his name: Britt the Writer. Aryst shudders. Aryst Omnistellae: I know of him. Our illustrious Highemperor is well acquainted, and has told me tales that would shrivel your soul. The High Director crosses himself with an imperial holy sign that is passingly similar to the way a Catholic might cross himself. High Director Pwnenstein: Anyway, over here we have transpsionic subcosmic aeration, weaponized via hypergetic accelerators... References External References Category:Post Category:Pan Post